is it really my fault that everything goes wrong? have i...and i alone ruined it? So then, i tried not to care too much so i wont feel so much disappointment. but even then, i still have done wrong. what, then, should i do? i am lost because i cant seem to do anything right.

when things are good, you say i look unhappy. is a smile not enough to show that i am good? i dont know how i should act or feel now because i am scared it ruins something. i am being negative now, i dont fucking like it and it's driving me up the wall!!! but can you blame me though? because the very best thing that i have is going wrong and it's ALL MY FAULT!!!